So I came back form the funeral, hours beforehand....

The sight of my grandma... she looked so pretty....... until I saw her coffin.. go into the cremation..chamber...

Honestly.. I just saw hell for a second...... After the funeral was over they all lead everyone into this room... in which i assumed they were taking into a car or something to take her far away from here to cremate her....

But no.... it was the chamber.... and my grandma was going to go into it......

..... the sight of the coffin, slowly moving into it.. horrified me... I ran out of hte room and squeezed my boyfriend tightly alogn with my brothers... holding back my tears....

I'm sorry but I really... this is my first time experiencing this with a family member I cared for the most and I had to vent it out somewhere..

Just..... wow... it hit me so hard to see that... I was scared shitless to see that...

I never knew my fears would come to life.... First was the fact that my grandma has died in front of my eyes, and I had to touch her cold lifeless body...... The fact I saw her body again... the fact that everything that happened to my grandma.. I was sad, and depressed in the process... Just, crushed...

I'm going to try and stay happy, just for her, I'll try not to complain, just for her. I'll try to be a better person, just for her, so she can be even more proud, and be able to brag it to grandpa in heaven.

Her ashes are going to come homee soon, and we'll have to sprinkle it all ion the rivers in Thailand.... I hope she's at peace now and her house in heaven is finally done being in construction.